Saturday, March 29

Pat Frickin' Morita

There's only one thing I learned from sesame street, and that's how to change the channel.

Which actually can come to some use if you're viewing a tv. But what happens when they're in front of you. Mouth flapping unnaturally up and down. Waddling towards you. Hand slowly closing in...

Do you have lightning fast reflexes? Will you have enough time to react? Will they savagely beat you into unconsciousness or just go ahead and kill you? ...There's only one thing I learned from Mr. Miyagi. No one... touches my cookies.

well... that and how to trim a pretty mean bonsai tree. so watch out cookie bish. i'll cut you up something pretty.


Thursday, March 27

Drawing A Blank

Had a weird dream last night. Me and a friend were in an art class finger painting as the teacher was out for a cig. She was laughing and i asked her what was funny, she poked my nose with her finger painting finger and laughed even more. She kept laughing then went somewhere out of the class. I said I'd wait here for her. There weren't that many kids and we were all doing something different. After finger painting i picked up a pencil and started doing stick figures. I grew into my preadolescence. Then i started drawing stick figures in a comic form, i grew into an adolescent now.

In a room with children, drawing stick figures dying of spontaneous combustion and other fun ways to die. Before my eyes the people I drew were growing more realistic. I kept using the same paper, now etched with eraser marks and a few tears here and there. I began drawing a woman, beautiful long black hair and eyes that would pierce you as if you been shanked by a burly bitch named Bubba.

She looked oddly familiar, i just couldn't put my finger on it. Her lips were peach, her smile nice with a hint of viciousness, and her skin seemed velvet to the touch... or as soft as paper gets. Before I knew it I was a child again and my painting grew life. She walked outside and snapped the teachers neck. "come on." she said, I was the only one around to witness this. Then suddenly a creature flew from above the building. I hid, it saw her and bound her with tentacles. Slowly pulled her up to the sky and ate her, or merged her entity into his. Then flew away. There was many of these creatures in the sky. My head hurt a bit after seeing this for some odd reason, but I wanted to find out why she wanted me to leave. I began my journey to the main office.

As I jumped from plant to plant, behind one ladies dress to another, slipping in room to room, I closed in on the main office. There was a little anorexic girl that i once knew (of) when I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade. Her ribs were penetrating through her light blue dress. She was wheezing for air and had a sad look on her eyes. Then she mouthed the words "run" i believe. A creature was walking down the hallways. I hid behind the door to the office as this behemoth blew mist out of its nose when it breathed. I dubbed her Big Bertha. She squeezed into the office and sat down doing paperwork. I didn't know what to do, just stood behind the door looking in at this thing. I ran and sat beside my anorexic friend asking her if she's alright. She whispered yes. I asked what that creature was. She started gasping more rapidly then she fell off the seat. I looked down and it was as if i was looking down from a building, her body hit the floor, turned to dust, and slowly was swept away by a draft. It seemed suicidal to just fall off the bench. My head hurt a bit more now.

I heard a thump, then I saw the beast slowly walk toward me. She screeched and her mouth opened up 4 ways, almost like the predator. she had two tongues that slapped against my face and body, feeling me out or trying a taste. I grabbed on a tongue and jumped in her mouth. I attempted to lodge myself in her throat. It was working for a few but a tongue reached back and punched me down. Further and further being pummeled into the belly of the beast, nothing was gonna stop me. I was gonna make sure she was dead. Then I felt heat on my back, I looked down and I saw factories. Tall smoke stalks that were actually blowing out flames like the exhaust off a hot rod. It was like looking down on a town from way high up the sky. I tried to grip on, I could feel her getting weaker. Then her throat disappeared and I began to fall. I tried to fly, for a few seconds tried to grow wings, tried to flap my arms. The ground coming closer and closer.

As I fell I punched the ground and if you've ever seen someone walk on the plastic covering a pool, the ground was swallowed down on that one spot. I couldn't get back up though and was slowly suffocating. I didn't realize I was also continuing falling through. Afterwards I don't know what happened. I wound up on a ship, people ripping the net off me. Then they offered me some sushi with wasabi. I ate like there was no tomorrow and thanked them. They didn't understand, they didn't even look human. I don't know why but I saw them as human before but now they were just... different. All I remember was they seemed human then turned to shadow humanoids. Gritting my teeth and laughing and crying at the same time. On my knees, head resting against the floor. I slowly went out of my mind with a vision of my friend, she was older, still laughing, poked me on the nose and said follow me. I tried to follow her, I think that was the reason I had really ran out of that room. I can't say for sure, it was a pretty fucked up dream.

Dunno why but when I try to think back on how they all look, only the Cthulhu comes to mind.

Tuesday, March 25

Its 10 O'Clock. Do you know where your pants are at?

True Story. But Never happened to me. Or anyone I know. Might happen one day. -shrugs-

Ever wake up on those cold lonely mornings snuggly wrapped in a blanket not wanting to move a muscle? Laying there eyes barely open and moaning or groaning when you realize that you do have to wake up. Then as you slowly pull off the sheets you feel the cold breathe of death slowly chill you to the bones.

You shake it off and head to the bathroom, whip it out or sit down, whichever you prefer, then release natures fury into the tiny white bowl that only wanted to become an accountant but instead was stuck with that shit job. You may or may not flush the urine or fecal matter, but you know you need a shower to really wake you up.

So you head into the shower, clothes on or off, again preferences, and begin your mental training. You may do yoga or martial arts to prepare your body for the torrent of hot or cold water that is about to touch your skin. Well again you may or may not, personally I just turn on the son of a bitch and start singing the Immigration Song. Anyways you're done showering and slowly walk around your house and you realize, this isn't my house. Where the fuck am I?

Then you see an old man and woman having pancakes in the dining room/kitchen. They stare at you as they're feeding each other bits and pieces of pancakes covered in blueberry syrup with little pieces of strawberry and banana here and there. You think to yourself "what happened last night and why is my butt suddenly sore." They ask who you are. You respond 'dunno' then they notice that you're wearing one of their robes. Then they look at each other and one responds "See! This is why I said we should stop doing X. It fucks us up!" Or your weapon of choice. Then you sit down, smile, and ask "Anymore pancakes for me?" You open your mouth wide while they feed you a fork full of love. And Pesticides.

Little side note. Dipping your Testicles in Pesticide would make them Pesticles. or Testicides. Pestes? Just... never do it no matter how interesting it seems.